Tag Archives: huffington post

Jesse Jackson Busted for Looting in London Riots

Jesse Jackson Busted for Looting in London Riots

By Mark Donahue

Because of his scandalous displays of civil disobedience during the riots, Reverend Jesse Jackson was arrested for looting yesterday by London police. He was taken to central booking and charged with theft, destruction of public property, aggravated assault and impersonating a clergyman. British Prime Minister David Cameron issued a statement condemning Reverend Jackson’s actions and former Prime Minister Tony Blair told reporters that he wasn’t surprised because he’d suspected Jackson of stealing before.

“When Reverend Jackson visits, one is apt to keep an eye on the silverware,” Blair told reporters. “We allowed him to attend several social functions when I was in office and his presence always coincided with the puzzling disappearance of light bulbs and lavatory soap. At the last reception he attended we assigned a security detail to keep an eye on him but he outsmarted them by slipping out a lavatory window with a shower curtain and several hand towels.”

Lawyers for Reverend Jackson argue that he is being persecuted by a conservative legal system that frowns upon dissent and muffles the cries of the disenfranchised. Although multiple security cameras recorded Reverend Jackson breaking store windows, looting merchandise and assaulting an elderly woman, his lawyers claim that he was sound asleep in his hotel room the night of the alleged crimes. When a reporter pointed out that the new sneakers Reverend Jackson was wearing at the time of his arrest were the same brand a security video shows him looting from a boutique, the lawyers said that Jackson had purchased his sneakers from a blind street vendor in Calcutta where he’d recently traveled to donate a swing-set to a grade school for lepers.

The courtroom was packed with spectators when Jesse Jackson appeared before the magistrate looking disheveled and irritated. When asked to respond to the charges against him Jackson sneered and spat on the floor which sparked rambunctious cheers and whistles from the gallery. The judge angrily pounded his gavel to silence the disorderly crowd. When he sternly cautioned the accused against spitting in the court room, Reverend Jackson grabbed his crotch and sneered, “I got your warning right here, sir!”

Freelance reporter Dayle “Scoop” Curtis was covering the hearing for the Huffington Post.

“When Jesse grabbed his crotch and told the Judge what he could do with his reprimand, the courtroom erupted into mayhem! It was an amazing display of defiance. The crowd began chanting Jesse! Jesse! Jesse! as guards dragged Reverend Jackson away. It was just like a 60?s protest or something.”

Reports that Jesse Jackson bit off the ear of one of the guards has not been substantiated, but his lawyer has confirmed that Jackson has taken a lover in jail.

“Reverend Jackson has needs. He makes no excuses and offers no apologies.”

Reverend Al Sharpton penned an op-ed piece in the NY Times following news of Jackson’s arrest in London:

“I stand by Reverend Jackson and I walk by him and adhere to him. I want it known without any equivocation and self doubt that if Reverend Jackson is not treated fairly that I will march. I demand Reverend Jackson get a swift trial and restitution. I offer my services to gently care for his mistresses and make sure his illegitimate children get their monthly paychecks. Jesse Jackson’s arrest and detainment is a travesty of the heinous and it will not go unheeded! I will march for a full congressional hearing and I demand that Reverend Jackson be exercised and immediately released on his own reconnaissance! ”

Security camera videos appear to show Reverend Jackson at the head of a group of masked teenagers as they shatter store windows and steal merchandise. One video plainly shows Reverend Jackson wrestling what looks like a lava lamp out of the hands of an elderly woman. For several minutes the woman puts up an impressive fight before Jackson breaks her grip on the lamp by thrashing her over the head with a large toaster. Several of the teenagers arrested with Jackson said that he was determined to find stores that carried Giuseppe Zanotti sneakers. An anonymous source inside Jackson’s inner circle told The Daily Rash that Jesse Jackson desperately wanted a pair of the $700 Giuseppe Zanotti sneakers, but was not willing to pay the retail price.

“Last month Reverend Jackson attempted to extort the Giuseppe Zanotti company but his threats of a boycott fell on deaf ears. He was really disappointed. But when he heard about the riots in London he saw an opportunity to get some free sneakers while fighting for the underprivileged at the same time! He said it was divine intervention because God really wanted him to have those sneakers.”

Many of the teenagers who conspired with Jackson feel the experience was valuable.

“Smashing store windows and looting with Jesse Jackson is something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life,”
one of the teenagers remarked. “Now I know how Rosa Parks must have felt!”

***The above story was SATIRE…..we think. This is not to be taken seriously or as fact. But, is rather humorous.

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The Top 10 Reasons Why Dr. Ron Paul Is the Only Rational Choice

The Top 10 Reasons Why Dr. Ron Paul Is the Only Rational Choice


The top 10 reasons why Dr. Ron Paul is the only rational presidential choice for Americans, Democratic, Republican and Independent:

10. Dr. Paul works a real job, has run a small a business and served in the military. He has been a physician for 40 years, co-owned a coin store for 12 years and was a flight surgeon in the U.S. Air Force and U.S. National Guard for five years. That was how our country was set up — for public servants to work a real job that they returned to after their public service was done. He has real skills and is not a professional politician.

9. Dr. Paul has decades of experience running a business and in depth knowlegde of health care.

8. Dr. Paul understands money and is chairman of the House Financial Services Subcommittee on Domestic Monetary Policy and Technology.

7. Dr. Paul does the right thing referencing the U.S. Constitution and works for the country versus campaigning for his ego. He has been serving the public in politics for over 40 years.

6. Dr. Paul refuses to accept a federal pension for his public service, something other members get after a short period because they do not have real jobs. According to Dr. Paul, to receive a pension for public service would be “hypocritical and immoral.”

5. Unlike most other candidates out there, Dr. Paul is not a good-looking, smooth-talking, snake charmer or charismatic zealot. He is a regular, plain-spoken person who says it the way it is.

4. Dr. Paul doesn’t care if big groups like him (like unions and businesses). His donations come primarily from individuals, not from groups. He is willing to serve his country honorably without personal gain. Dr. Paul will do what is right for the U.S. based on the Constitution whether or not big money or big government likes it.

3. Dr. Paul has written a bill, called the Sun Light Rule that requires our politicians have at least 10 days to read bills before signing them.

2. Dr. Paul will bring practical wisdom, cut spending, balance the budget, stabilize the economy and probably be able to do away with the IRS and income tax, a tax that is not constitutional and was started to fund the civil war and supposed to stop after the civil war. He wants to abolish the U.S. Department of Education, giving the states and parents back control. He wants to do away with other large government agencies, restoring the rightful power to the states.

1. Dr. Paul’s old-fashioned decency, integrity, honor and real-life experience are exactly what our country needs after hiring actors, puppets, oil and other group-connected slick sales men and marketers. He’s been married to the same woman, Carol, for 54 years (married 1957).

Electing dishonorable, irresponsible, good-looking, smooth-talkers over the past several decades has eroded our country’s stability.

Are Americans finally ready to elect an honest, decent man who will not listen to non-sense from regular Americans, politicians or corporations? A president who will be accountable and hold us all accountable? I hope so.

“Special interests have replaced the concern that the Founders had for general welfare. Vote trading is seen as good politics. The errand-boy mentality is ordinary, the defender of liberty is seen as bizarre. It’s difficult for one who loves true liberty and utterly detests the power of the state to come to Washington for a period of time and not leave a true cynic.” — Dr. Paul

He does not take money from corporate PACs. Lobbyists cannot sway him; to try is a waste of time. He never bargains with his own deeply held beliefs, nor does he cut backroom deals. Because his political views and his personal convictions are in complete harmony, he seldom faces a “tough” vote. And when the politicking for the week is over, he returns to his district to take up his lifelong occupation, which has nothing to do with politics.” — S. C. Gwynne

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Huffington Post Slams Obama‘s Jobs Promises With ’Deja Vu’ Video Montage

Huffington Post Slams Obama‘s Jobs Promises With ’Deja Vu’ Video Montage

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by Jonathon M. Seidl

You’re not misreading the headline. Yes, the Huffington Post really did put together a video montage showing how often Barack Obama has promised to focus on jobs, and how that promise has gone unfulfilled.

Here’s how author Ben Craw puts it:

In his very first address to Congress in February of 2009, President Barack Obama promised an agenda focused on job creation. Following every major subsequent event of his presidency — be it a concerted campaign like health care reform or, much more frequently, an unwelcome crisis — he has been forced to reiterate that he will now focus on jobs. Just how many times has he made the jobs promise?

Wow.

Now here’s the telling video:


But not only did Craw post the video, he also linked to another HuffPo article that snuffed out any excitement over today’s supposedly “good” job numbers:

In July, 117,000 jobs were added in the economy, and the unemployment rate dropped to 9.1 percent from 9.2 percent. But the drop in the unemployment rate should not be celebrated as a signal of strong growth: It came almost entirely from Americans dropping out of the labor force.

As more Americans simply give up looking for work, the employment-to-population ratio fell to 63.9 percent in the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ latest snapshot of the U.S. labor market, a new low.

“We’re continuing to see very weak growth,” said Dean Baker, economist and co-director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research. “117,000 new jobs is a really pathetic growth rate. It might be fine if we were at 4.5 percent unemployment, but in the context of 9.1 percent, it’s going to take us more than 20 years to get us back to where we used to be.”

Wow again.

How bad are things for Obama, you ask? Read this article again.

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